Effective Conflict Management
Conflicts in life are inevitable. Our understanding of conflict, our attitude toward conflict and our ability to participate in the resolution of conflict will determine how well we create interdependence with other individuals in our lives. “The effective conflict manager does not view conflict negatively, but rather sees opportunities for personal and relationship growth in conflict situations” (Cahn & Abigail 2007). The goal of effective conflict management is the most positive resolution to a conflict situation.
Conflicts come in many forms. There are real conflicts in which the relationship of the individuals is important and the issue involved is important. There are unreal conflicts where the individual either sees a conflict where none exists or fails to see a conflict where one actually exists. The first step is identifying the conflict and the individuals involved, also known as clarifying perspectives. This ensures that there are no displaced, misplaced or false conflicts and that the individuals involved are investing an appropriate amount of energy in the situation. Situations in which there is an exaggerated or overblown reaction need to be examined to determine the true conflict and time needs to be taken so that emotions can settle down.
An individual’s emotional attachment to the conflict can inhibit productive conflict resolution. “A key factor to think about prior to confronting another person is your goal” (Cahn & Abigail 2007). Each individual involved in the conflict should focus on their goals or needs, not a specific type of resolution. As one of the most common forms of conflict resolution is compromise, and many times individuals feel as though they will lose something and therefore become emotionally attached to a specific outcome so as to not “lose.” The emotional attachment to winning can inhibit a collaborative approach. If the conflict is stalemated by individuals being attached to a specific outcome, this is the perfect time to utilize the S-TLC (stop, think, listen and communicate) approach. The individuals should take a time out, think about what their true goal or need is, then resume the discussion listening to the other individual and communicating their goals and needs. It is healthy to stay fairly rigid in your goal while being flexible in the means in which the goal is met.
As individuals communicate their goals and needs, attention needs to be given to specific communication or conflict styles and strategies. An individual’s conflict style can either benefit or hinder the resolution of the conflict. Conflict style is defined as “a consistent, specific orientation toward the conflict, an orientation that unifies specific tactics into a coherent whole” (Cahn & Abigail 2007). This means that the individual comes predisposed to exhibit a consistent attitude and set of behaviors, or strategies, when in a conflict situation. If an individual has an ingrained style, this may inhibit their ability to use different strategies in conflict situations. Should an individual be predisposed to an accommodating style wherein they oblige whatever the other individual wishes, the obliging individual is not receiving any personal or relationship growth by the consistent use of this style. The desire of effective conflict management is that the resolution be as beneficial in as many ways as possible.
The use of specific conflict strategies can enhance the resolution of the conflict. Although the compromise strategy is probably the most widely used conflict strategy, collaboration is the most beneficial in terms of personal and relationship growth. In compromise, individuals look to a middle ground of their respective goals and needs. By each individual giving up something to reach this middle ground, each side loses. With collaboration the individuals brainstorm and attempt to think outside the box for new and different resolutions. In this strategy, the individuals build trust in each other and can create a win/win resolution. “Several interpersonal communication skills or tactics are associated with the collaborative style or strategy. These include being analytic, conciliatory, and problem solving in focus; attempting to clarify issues and facilitate mutual resolution of the problem; describing behavior, disclosing feelings, asking for disclosure from the other person, asking for criticism from the other person, and qualifying the nature of the problem; supporting the disclosures or observations the other person has made; and accepting responsibility for everyone's part in the conflict” (Cahn & Abigail 2007).
Both the individuals benefit by having their own interests respected and the relationship benefits by developing trust and teamwork. “The idea we would like to foster is that, while flexibility, openness to alternatives, and adaptability are important interpersonal communication skills, we also favor a tendency toward the collaborative conflict strategy, which is proactive in nature and incorporates cooperative, integrative, and assertive behavior” (Pawlocott, Myers & Rocca 2000).
Conflicts in life are inevitable and effective conflict management is essential to creating rewarding interpersonal relationships. “Competent conflict behavior is a matter of learning skills of analysis and skills of communication and then applying them in conflict situations” (Cahn & Abigail 2007). The strategy of collaboration is generally the most beneficial of conflict strategies, in that it provides the greatest instance of personal and relationship growth. The goal of effective conflict management is the most positive resolution to a conflict situation.
References
Cahn, D.D., and Abigail, R.A. (2007). Managing Conflict Through Communication (3rd ed.). Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.
Pawlowcott, D. R., Meyers, A., and Rocca, K. A. (2000). “Relational Messages in Conflict Situations among Siblings,” Communication Research Reports, 3 (2000), 271–277.
